nice race weight fatso

so there’s this marathon in new york in 10 days.

part of me just wants it to get here already so i can run it already, and the other part of me wishes i still had training time. the weeks between the chicago marathon and now have been as strange and disorienting as i expected them to be.

i am really working at being in the moment. its hard when your life starts to break down into what you’re training for next. whats your next goal. what will next years race times look like? what races should you get into this year to qualify for others next? how much time should you take off after your next race? and on and on and on. i have to remember to look at now. be in now. and right now, i feel alright. i feel disconcertingly not sore…taper time is weird.

ive dropped four pounds since the chicago marathon. this was planned. i had a certain weight in mind for new york. i really don’t know if it makes any difference at this point. but I’m the lowest weight i have been since maybe ever and i stood in front of the mirror this morning and thought ‘hmmm this isn’t what i thought *** would look like’. i never feel light enough, small enough, toned enough. you know, it’s not even thin enough. i just feel like there’s still a ton of fat on my thighs and ass and it makes for completely inefficient running, and i find it frustrating that i work out 6 days a week and still feel this way. and i know that this isn’t some new story. i know that the majority of people feel the same way. its a terrible sensation to feel that you are dragging your body with you.

i also am aware that lighter doesnt necessarily mean faster. i know men with big guts that run 6:45 miles. i know women who on the outside look like they never hit the gym who run marathons well under 4 hours.

i also know women who dedicate their careers and goals to wellness and  nutrition, whose bodies are soft and they probably feel freaking amazing.

so how is my ‘race weight’? i don’t know. it’s making me grumpy. or maybe the fact that i’ve given up coffee is making me grumpy.

last night i ran with NBR, it was a nice easy 4.5 miles around the neighborhood. a few people showed up in costumes, and a few teammates were along the way handing out candy and booze.

tonight i’m slated for 6 easy miles, and i may do a bootcamp. i guess i should see what this “race weight” can do.

this misery has been brought to you by taper crazy.

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