i’ve been a little scattered since the Marseille marathon. i guess there hasn’t been much time to process the trip, and the race. i was sort of immediately pulled back into work, a race in DC, and my crappy dating life…and more running.
i keep telling myself i’m going to take a break after the next race, but that never seems to happen. i feel scared of not having a race ahead of me. i also feel like i’m in this top shape of my life, so why slow down. i also feel like maybe in a few years my life will be dramatically different (who knows…kids? a husband? anything that keeps me from being able to run whenever and wherever i want).
but more than any of that i suffer from massive disassociation and i mostly feel awake and alive and part of the world when i am running, training, racing.
i don’t really know how to explain any of this- which is probably why i haven’t been updating much.
its almost like the more i feel like a runner, the more scared i feel of not being able to run anymore…and like i have to pack all these races in while i can.
a codependent relationship with exercise- of COURSE i’d figure out how to do that.